When you were a five-year-old, you could be anything you wanted with just the flip of the imagination switch. From crawling in the sandbox and pretending to be in the desert or running through the woods imagining you’re a soldier, nothing was out of your reach.

It’s completely harmless when you’re a kid. I mean, nobody actually believes your bullshit when you’re that young. However, when you’re a senior in high school, that kind of stuff will make you look like a total ass.

Take for instance Kevin Hart, a 6-foot-5, 290-pound football player from northern Nevada who wanted to play for a Division I school “more than anything.” Last week he held a news conference to announce that he’d been recruited by the University of California. In front of a packed gymnasium and two television cameras, Hart told reporters, “They really won me over.” He was speaking of his decision to choose Cal over Oregon. The crowd erupted.

The problem, however, was that neither Cal nor Oregon had offered him a thing. In fact, they barely even knew he existed. Why? Because Hart made it up. No shit! Dude just pretended it happened and then crossed his fingers!

“I wanted to play (Division I) ball more than anything,” he said in a statement. “When I realized that wasn’t going to happen, I made up what I wanted to be reality.”

He’s since been outed by everyone from ESPN to local news stations across the country (see video below). I’ll bet that if he’s finally come to his senses (he did apologize), he’s feeling pretty damn embarrassed right now. But for the love of all that is holy, dude, what the hell were you thinking?!

And with that I would like to announce that as hard as it was for me, Jarsh, to decide on whether or not to be next President of the United States (they asked me like a month ago) or the next American Idol (Simon called me last week), I have made my decision. I’m not going to be either. I’m going to be the new owner of Dr. Pepper (they found out I love it and asked me to be in charge).