I’ve got good news and bad news for you guys. Good news is that my interview at the paper went well, so I expect you will all be able to enjoy my strip on a regualr basis starting in the near future. Bad news is that I will not be able to devote as much time to this advice column, maybe no time at all. Sad but true. In honor of new beginnings (finger’s crossed), this week I hand picked a couple questions from the old electronic mailbag about concerns and questions some are having in new situations.

-Dern Lanningham

I’m a recently divorced 36 year old stud, Dern. No joking here bud. Dark hair, dark eyes, 6′2”, 235, and I’m benching about 600lb on a bad day. You must be thinking “What problem could this guy possibly have?”, right? Well, I am having some dating troubles. I’ve had a couple dates recently that I felt went real well. I pick them up, I’m looking good in my tank top, I sneak in a flex here and there, we go to dinner, we talk about my tank tops, then I take them home. Funny thing is no one wants to go on a second date with me. What’s the deal? -The Stewmister, Baltimore MD-

Hey Stewmister. Don’t sweat it, and I’m talking about the dates here, not the 600lbs!!!!! This is a textbook case of bad luck. Sounds like you’ve just run across a couple of duds. Don’t let them bring you down, they probably have some baggage like depression or AIDS. And Stew, when you see baggage you gotta pick up stakes and jetski out of there.

Dern, I drink about a half case of Mountain Dew a day, and my new boyfriend knows this. Yesterday I asked him if he would bring me back some Dew when he went to the store. Get this, he gets back form the store, and to my horror, I notice he bought Mountain Thunder. I almost gave him a kidney punch right there. Now I am struggling with whether or not to break it off. It’s early in the relationship, but this seems like such a blatent disregard for my feelings. What should I do? -Thirsty Dewde, Kansas City, KS

Dewde, if it’s early in the relationship this is actually really easy. Break it off. Like the Highlander, there can be only one Dew, and everybody who is anybody knows this. I know for a fact that the company that makes Mountain Thunder did so as a joke, not as a beverage to drink and appreciate.

Disclaimer: Dern Lanningham is an out of work comic strip drawer. He is in no way an expert on relationships, but he is an excellent spades partner.