Aries: March 21-April 19 - This month, go ahead and say what you’ve been thinking. The worst that can happen is that you and/or your family will be brutally murdered.
Taurus: April 20-May 20 - I’ve got three words for you; don’t eat that!
Gemini: May 21-June 21 - Happy Birthday! Sorry, sorry. Just kidding. But seriously.
Cancer: June 22-July 22 - Chances are, if you’ve never been to Hawaii, you’re never gonna go. Let it go, man.
Leo: July 23-August 22 If you’ve never tried cross dressing, then, how do you know you won’t like it? How do you know it won’t look really good?
Virgo: August 23-September 22 - I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, Space Balls is a goddamn good movie.
Libra: September 23-October 22 - Cool it.
Scorpio: October 23 - November 21 - If you want a goddamn pizza, eat a goddamn pizza. Just stop talking about it, and eat the goddamn thing.
Sagittarius: November 22-December 21 - Put on some pants!
Capricorn: December 22-January 19 - It’s like I always say, beards are weird.
Aquarius: January 20-February 18 - Give me an S! Give me a T! Give me a P! It’s your favorite band!
Pisces: February 19-March 20 - Dude - the economy sucks. You’re not getting a raise, so stop working so hard and kissing so much ass.
May 20th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
My sources tell me that the Steve is a Gemini/just totally came out of the closet on the innernets. Way to go, the Steve!
May 20th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
Wow! the Steve is for fucking real. I shit you not I was eating a slice of leftover Pepperoni Stuffed Crust Pizza Hut pizza as I read my horoscope. I am a Scorpio and you, the Steve, are all-knowing.
May 20th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Ponch’d!
May 21st, 2008 at 4:07 pm
You’re right the Steve. I’m never fucking going to Hawaii. I will let it go. Balls!
Fuck it. We’ll do it live. WE’LL DO IT LIVE!!!
May 22nd, 2008 at 7:11 am
“I am. I am. I am. I said I wanna get close to you!” STP!
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:21 am
I’VE BEEN PONCH’D… TWICE!