Springdale sucks.
(insert dramatic pause)

Whew. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about another reason that Fayetteville rules; the painted horse outside Northwest Arkansas Florist on the corner of Joyce and College Street.

Not that I have to tell anyone where the painted horse is. That dude has been sitting on that corner for at least 29 years (according to this 2001 article.)

Or, roughly, anyway. The horse was relocated a couple of years ago when Northwest Arkansas Florist moved into a shared space with the new Starbucks, freaking several people out.)

So, just in case you’ve never driven down College Avenue, or you are a blind person without any friends that hates America and you’ve never seen this horse, here’s a quick description.

Outside this flower shop across the street from the mall, there is a metal horse that has been there for longer than I’ve even been alive. Once a month, it is painted by a different non-profit organization. It can only be painted by non-profit, or charitable organizations. (I know. I wanted to paint it myself once. I am not a non-profit or charitable organization.) As a result, it has been painted a different color every month for almost thirty years, and as a result of that it looks really weird and bumpy up close.

I’ve lived in Fayetteville for the better part of my life, and a couple weeks ago I stopped to get a closer look at that blob of around 300 coats of dried paint and (allegedly) metal. It’s been a jack-o-lantern for Halloween, a cowboy, batman, last week it was wearing an apron, this week it’s green, jesus christ I can’t even remember all the different colors that son-of-a-bitch has been, but I do know that every time I went to the mall as a kid we had to drive by that damn thing so I could see what color the horse was, and what was written on the side of it.

What started as just something to cover up some vandalism nearly thirty years ago has now become a Fayetteville tradition that kills that stupid popeye statue (ok, I do like the popeye statue) in Springdale, or those turkeys or whatever they are on 412.

So, not that there was any question, but Fayetteville still rules, and Springdale still smells like chicken turds. Sorry y’all. It’s true.