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Movie Rules

If you couldn’t tell, we’re all avid movie-goers here at the Fayetteville Flyer. There’s not much we love more than heading out to the theater to catch a new movie. However, as of late, we’ve been inundated with hordes or noisy, disrespectful and just plain rude folks in the theater. These kinds of people are a giant thorn in the side of anyone who paid $8 for a ticket. In honor of these “disruptors of fun,” I’ve compiled a strict list of rules to adhere to when going to the movies.

Now, prepare youself. I’m about to go all Andy Rooney on your ass:

1) Keep it Quiet (Shut up!)

Talk all you want during the trivia/ad slideshow portion that plays before the reels start turning. In fact, feel free to keep on talking during the commercials that we’re now bombarded with before the previews. But as soon as the previews start, it’s time to zip it. The occasional light whispering is fine. Just make sure no one except the person you’re whispering to can here what you’ve got say.

Teenagers, I’m looking at you on this one. Also, think you’ve got something clever to announce about the previews? Keep it to yourself. Simply put; you’re just not that funny and odds are your “witty comment” is really not all that witty. Keep your mouth shut and we’ll all be better off.

2) Phones off (Why are you texting?)

The ringing of a phone is probably THE most disturbing thing that can happen during a movie. It’s annoying, unnecessary and pisses me the hell off.

Unless you might be receiving an important phone call, just turn your phone off, dude. You don’t need to know the time, you don’t need to see who’s calling, and for the love of God you don’t need to text your buddy during the movie. So just turn it off… or better yet, leave it in the car.

Now, for those of you who, for one reason or another, need to keep their phones on during the show, make damn sure that your ringer is off (vibrate or silent). When you get a call, don’t open it up and light up the theater with the screen. Just walk outside and return the call. The key is to make sure no one in the theater knows your phone rang.

This is a tough one because, ideally, all phones should be off during the movie. I do, however, understand that you may need to keep it on for one reason or another. Just be sure you don’t disturb anyone else by leaving your phone on. That’s really not asking that much, but it’s crucial.

3) Get a babysitter (Why is Little Susie at The Dark Knight?)

Simply put, children have no place in the theater unless it’s a showing of a children’s movie. Period. End of sentence. One of the sacrifices you make when you have a child is the ability to just go to the movies. Sucks, I know, but them’s the rules.

Think you’re being sly by bringing your 8 month old out on a Monday night to see Indiana Jones? Guess what? You’re not being sly, you’re being an ass. It’s never ok. Your crying kid is still disruptive. Sure, you’re disrupting fewer people’s movie night, but you’re still being disruptive. Stick with Blockbuster or hire a babysitter.

4) Eat Quietly (If I hear you wrinkle that bag one more time…)

Who was the genius that decided to sell candy in plastic bags at the theater? Furthermore, why do some of the candies have to be individually wrapped? Crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, [pause], crinkle, [pause], crinkle, crinkle. It’s annoying!!! Stop it. Get something in a box or just rock a hot dog. At the very least, try to be quiet when you’re handing out your twizzlers.

There are many more little annoyances I could add to this list, but I’d feel 300x better about going to the movie if everyone followed these basic four rules.

What do you think? Should I just suck it up and deal with it or what? Are there any major rules you think I left off?

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