Flyers Predict Hogs’ Football Season

August 21, 2008 9:31 am · By Seth Gunderson · 9 Comments

Check it, Arkansas Razorback football starts in less than two weeks. TWO WEEKS! I’m pretty sure all of us at The Flyer are hesitantly pumped about the new season, new coaches, and new style of play — it should be an interesting season, to say the least. One of my favorite things to check out is what people predict the season will hold. Not just rankings, but bowl predictions and what-not. The guys over at RazorBloggers.net do a good job of this already, but they’re not asking the questions that need to be asked!

So without further adieu…

The Fayetteville Flyer’s BOLD Predictions for the 2008/2009’s Arkansas Razorback Football Season

1. Is this a rebuilding year?

sg: Yes, it really is. We might surprise some people, but it’s not going to be pretty. Probably.
Squidge: Yes.
Dern L.: Without a doubt.
JTrain: Undoubtedly. New coach? Check. New staff? Check. Lack of RB and WR experience, not to mention the entire secondary? Definitely going to be a rebuilding year. Not to say I’m not excited, though. I’m ready for a fresh start.
the Steve: Unfortunately, yes. Old Nuttster kinda left the cupboard bare in some key positions, namely linebacker, but I do think we’ll surprise a couple of people this year.
Ted Dancin’: Yes. Duh.

2. Predict each game’s outcome:

Game	sg	Squidge	Dern L.	JTrain	the Steve	Ted Dancin’
Western Illinois	W	W	W	W	W	W
Louisiana-Monroe (LR)	W	W	W	W	W	W
@ Texas	L	L	L	L	L	W
Alabama	W	L	L	L	W	L
Florida	L	W	L	L	L	L
@ Auburn	L	W	L	L	L	W
@ Kentucky	W	W	W	W	W	W
Ole Miss	W	W	L	L	W	L
Tulsa	W	W	W	W	W	W
@ South Carolina	L	L	L	W	W	W
@ Mississippi State	L	L	W	W	L	L
LSU (LR)	L	W	L	L	L	L
Win/Loss Totals	6-6	8-4	5-7	6-6	7-5	7-5

Game Notes:

Western Illinois — "This game was scheduled to get us off to a good start. Western Illinois will not disappoint us." — Ted Dancin’
Louisiana-Monroe — "We’ll stomp the LA Man-hoes." — JTrain
Texas — "Texas is good/too horny." – Dern L.
Alabama — "We might play them, but let’s face it, with an inexperienced Razorback secondary, John Parker Wilson will dominate." — JTrain
Florida — "I wish games were in 3D so I could see Tebow’s jump-throw coming at me. Just think how lame that would look!" — sg
Auburn — "Aww, my wedding day! Win!" — Squidge
Kentucky — "No more Andre Woodson = Kentucky is a basketball school again." — the Steve
Ole Miss — "This one makes me sad, but, I think Nutt will have his kids ready to run through brick walls for this game. Also, any team that looks to be run heavy will probably destroy us due to inexperience at linebacker." — Dern L.
Tulsa — "We find out why we passed up on Gus, and we’ll be pleased." — sg
South Carolina — "Lose, b/c I have us winning too many games." — Squidge
Mississippi St. — "At this point, we’ll be down to Reggie Fish and Jeremy Davis at linebacker." — the Steve
LSU — I really, really, really wanted to put a "W" on this one. I also really, really, really want a million dollars. — Ted Dancin’

3. Will we go to a bowl game? If so, which one?

sg: That’s a good question. If our record ends up what I think it will be, no. I doubt we will. I mean, six wins is enough, but we shouldn’t.
Squidge: According to my predictions we should get a bowl game. I would pick the Chip Bowl.
Dern L.: Nope.
JTrain: I suck at making bowl game predictions. We’ll probably go to one regardless of how good or bad our season is simply because Razorback fans will put up the money.
the Steve: We’re Shreveport bound, baby.
Ted Dancin’: Yes. Easy. Chick-fil-A.

4. Will Casey Dick finally be worth a damn? If yes, how many damns will he be worth?

sg: Yes. He’ll be worth four damns.
Squidge: Hell no! I can’t stand that doucheknuckle!
Dern L.: Yes. Five out of 10 damns.
JTrain: I’ve said "Yes, he will" for a couple of years now and we all know how that’s turned out. So, will Casey Dick finally be worth a damn? Yes, he will.
the Steve: Casey Dick will be worth one damn, which is one more than he’s been worth in the past.
Ted Dancin’: Yes. He will be worth about 7 damns…out of 10.

5. How many true linebackers will we have by the Ole Miss game?

sg: Two.
Squidge: It’s not sounding good, because he thinks they are all too small. So, maybe none?
Dern L.: Three.
JTrain: At this rate, zero. Geez.
the Steve: Two. Jeremy "fat kicker" Davis, and Elston Forte.
Ted Dancin’: It won’t matter. We will lose this game.

6. Speaking of, what will the sky banners say when Nutt-job is in town?

sg: "Go Hogs, don’t get Nutted!"
Squidge: "Arkansas ain’t no place for a Nutt."
Dern L.: "Free plane rides for all Hooter’s waitresses"
JTrain: Hmm, I’m going with "Bust a Nutt" or maybe "We’re down a Nutt, but at least we still have a Dick. And all you need to get laid is a Dick." That last one’s pretty long, but I wouldn’t put it past the Razorback Nation.
the Steve: "Suckers"
Ted Dancin’: "Please don’t hurt us!"

7. How long until Petrino quits or the Hog Nation calls for his removal?

sg: He’s more likely to quit. But I’ll wait until next season to answer that one.
Squidge: Two games…but I really hope he makes it through the whole season.
Dern L.: Quits – three losing seasons. Hog Nation – three losing seasons.
JTrain: Quits? Not sure. How long until the Hog Nation calls for his removal? After any losing streak of three or more games, guaranteed.
the Steve: I think he’ll be there for a while. I’m thinking Bobby sticks around for 5 years or more.
Ted Dancin’: Eight years.

8. How many wins does the Helmet Car earn us?

sg: At least two.
Squidge: At least five.
Dern L.: Any and all.
JTrain: Every win will owe a little to the return of the Helmet Car.
the Steve: I think the Helmet Car is worth at least one win. Maybe two.
Ted Dancin’: The Fayetteville Flyer or the U of A?

9. Give me a rule for the Tim Tebow Drinking Game for when we play Florida…

sg: Every time Tebow does that pansy jump-throw, you have to feed a shot to the person on your right.
Squidge: Anytime you see his stupid face, drink.
Dern L.: Way before the start of the game get s@#$-faced blackout drunk over the fact that the sophmore douche got the Heisman over DMac last year. Pass out as the game starts. Wake up four hours after game is over and go to Denny’s. That way you miss whatever commentator gives Tebow compliment-jobs all game.
JTrain: If the game is picked up by ESPN, every time the commentator praises Tim Tebow take a drink. You’ll be drunk by the time the second quarter rolls around. Dead by the third.
the Steve: Every time the CBS announcers use a Chuck Norris joke and insert Tim Tebow’s name, and pretend that Florida fans made this up themselves, drink.
Ted Dancin’: Drink when he does something awesome. Wait, we’d never get drunk that way. Nevermind.

10. Matt Jones: Still rules?

sg: Dude still rules. Kinda.
Squidge: Dude-still-f’ing-rules!
Dern L.: I still like him.
JTrain: *******************
the Steve: ********************
Ted Dancin’: He rules no matter what.

So there you have it. The Flyer’s predictions for the upcoming season. Should be an exciting one, no matter what happens.

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Discussion

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By the Steve on August 21st, 2008

J-Train, Dern, and Ted all think we lose to Ole Miss? Really? Gross.

If we only win one game, I hope we beat those losers.

By Total Bastard on August 21st, 2008

No way we lose to King Dewsh Hooty Tooty.

By Angel Lust on August 21st, 2008

Nutt didn’t leave the cupboard bare. Two years of the Mustain/Nutt/Broyles soap opera and the constant carping over by Arkansas fans made thsi place pretty unattractive for any parent that wanted to send their kid somewhere to play football. You can’t stock a cupboard without recruits. And you have linebacker problems because you haven’t paid the local police enough to “let the boys be boys.”

Banner for Ole Miss game: “We have two Dicks; we don’t need a Nutt.”

Petrino will be here as long as the fans have patience and show support while he builds the program. No coach wants the reputation he has built for himself. He’s in a good spot. He knows it. Give him 4 years to build his program and you will be happy.

(Please copy that last paragraph for the basketball preview and substitute “Pelphrey” for “Petrino”)

By sg on August 21st, 2008

Good point, AL. The whole Nutt/Broyles/Mustain deal hasn’t left Arkansas in a good PR state. Add in the whole Heath/Altman deal and it gets worse. I think Broyles did a hell of a job here, but it was past time for him to go. Long is making strides to change it.

But we have seen a few recruits leave bc of Nutt, and with him being checked out after the LSU game, I don’t think he was doing a lot to shore up recruits for us. Additionally, our defense wasn’t the strong point of our teams in the past, so there probably wasn’t a long list of stand-out high schoolers ready to jump in here.

Petrino will get this program back on track. Tough year this year, but those green kids will be better because of it. And we will surprise some people, maybe with a few wins, but definitely with some close shoot-out games.