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Staff Pick’ems: UA vs. Tebow Florida

Good grief. As we all feared, this season is much worse than we expected. Our friends over at RazorBloggers.net have a good column about new systems and players buying into said systems. They summize that this rebuilding is probably going to take longer than expected and that we should expect quite a few more bad losses this year (and maybe even next). As diehard fans, it’s not something we want to believe, but that’s the reality of it.

For once, all of the staffers agreed on the outcome of last week’s game — that the Hogs would lose (by varying degrees of horribleness, of course). At first glance, I thought Squidge was going to become my go-to Hog score predicter, but Dern L. took the damn cake and missed the score by a mere three points. Dern guessed 52-13 and his statement about Texas’ defense was spot on. Bravo. On the non-staffer side, Total Bastard was closest with the prediction of 56-17. Nice jorb all around.

This week, we play the (boo hiss) Florida Gators and their “superman,” Heisman-stealing hack of a quarterback. It’s not worth previewing the game, except that the Gators should be good and pissed that Ole Miss and (boo hissier) Houston Nutt marched into the Swamp and beat them.

Instead, let’s review the rules of the Tim Tebow drinking game. So, go grab your favorite beverage, randomly pick five of the following rules and get ready.

Take a drink when:

• Tebow makes an incomplete pass.
• Tebow does a Quarterback Slide and looks like a sissy.
• Tebow is stupid (exercise great caution here).
• Tebow’s face in on TV.
• A TV commentator gives Tebow praise.
• Tebow’s girlfriend is shown on TV.
• Every time Dern takes a drink.

Take a shot when:

• Tebow does that silly jump-throw.
• Commentators tell a Chuck Norris joke, but insert Tebow’s name instead.
• Tebow messes up, but the blame is passed to the offensive line and/or receivers.
• Every time the Heisman and Tebow are mentioned together.

Take 10 shots when:

• Teblow does the Gator Chomp.

Drink until you think you’re as fast as a mongoose when:

• A Teblow workout montage is played.

… So that was fun. But, as for how the game will play out …

JTrain says: We get straight up Tebow’d. Petrino choke slams and/or pile drives Alex Tejada after he misses yet another field goal.
Florida 41, Arkansas 13

Ted Dancin’ says: Last week I predicted that we would lose…for the first time in my life. I felt dirty all week. Screw reality.
Arkansas 24, Florida 21

Dern L. says: Dudes, we suck real hard as balls.
Florida 42, Arkansas 6

sg says: hat’s when Jarsh did something he was never allowed to do at home… he spoke aloud and outside of it. Rapidly and rabidly he jumped after the stolen flower pots and chicken skewers. Clanking around in shackles is not what Jarsh had in mind, so he went the opposite direction — NorthSouthish. Amazingly, it wasn’t that mid-term thought that did him in. It was the stark white, melty mess of butternut squash. Tick tock? No. Full beardsleys? Assuredly so, Jarsh thought it was best if he stam
Florida 35, Arkansas 17

the Steve says: Arkansas gets dicked.
Florida 72, Arkansas 21

Farrah says: Florida comes out swinging after losing in the swamp to Ole Nutt. Petrino finally shows some emotion by shaking his fist with his head in disgust. “Rebuilding year” and “tough road for arkansas,” are mentioned repeatedly.
Florida 49, Arkansas 6

Squidge says: I get drunk and quit watching the game early just like last week. Arkansas will make a touchdown. Tebow will be ugly.
Florida 56, Arkansas 7

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