Learn to Drive
Road rage. I have it. My wife has it. You probably have it. It’s a right of passage for anyone over the age of 16 with a drivers license, or anyone up to 70 (at which time you become a cause for it.)
And as much as Fayetteville rules, even we have our share of terrible effing drivers on our streets, highways, byways, sidewalks, medians, shoulders, and in some cases, on our asses. (Most of them are from Springdale, though.)
In an attempt to reach some kind of catharsis, below is our rant on the subject of bad drivers, and a list of some of the most annoying driving habits as far as we’re concerned by people on Fayetteville roadways.
- Slow Turners: Dude, turn already. There is nothing more annoying than someone who takes a solid 30 seconds to make a right hand turn and get the hell off out of the way.
You’ve seen them, right? Bastards. You are not going to scrape, and if you do, the damage that you get to your undercarriage is nothing compared to the damage I might do to your face if you dont GET OUT OF THE WAY. Jesus Christ. TURN!
- Bad Mergers: You know in the morning, when you’re trying to get on 540 and you can’t because it’s backed up from 6th street all the way to the damn mall? And when you do get on, you move at a snails pace and have to keep stopping every 30 seconds, and it makes you late for work, and your boss gives you some crap about it, which only makes your drinking problem worse and contributes to the problems you are having in your marriage, and then your wife is giving you more crap about your drinking, which just makes you want to drink even more? Er, sorry. Anyway, you wanna know what causes that? Bad mergers.
Driving on the interstate is not a place to be an obnoxiously courteous driver. Sure, adjust your speed a little to let someone slip onto the highway. Speed up a little, slow down. But DON’T STOP. There is no excuse whatsoever during the merging process on the highway for you to stop to let someone else in, or slow to a crawl, causing the Semi behind you to stop to avoid hitting you, thus causing everyone else to stop, thus causing all the other Semi’s to stop, thus causing everyone else to wait for their slow asses to get going again, only to stop because the Semi in front of them had to stop because of another GD bad merger. And you know what? You guys are ruining my life. Stoppit.
- Multi-taskers: I’m not one of those people who believes that it is crazy to talk on the phone and drive. I am fully capable of talking and doing something else. I can walk and talk at the same time. Why is driving any different? You wanna know what no one can do, though? Text message and drive. Or email and drive. Or, god forbid READ emails and text messages and drive. Or put on makeup and drive. Get up a couple minutes early, and take care of business before you get on the road. Plus, that email can wait, dude. Chill out. Or else.
- Gawkers: You wanna know who else is contributing to my failed relationships, resulting in my self-esteem issues, and ultimately my abnormally large therapy bills? Gawkers. I swear to you, a stalled car on the side of 540, just sitting there on the side of the road can slow down traffic on both sides of the road and cause backup for miles for both ways. WTF are you looking at? It’s a 84 Pontiac. It stalled. Are you surprised? Drive, dude. Drive.
That’s not all, but I thought I’d let you guys share some of your bad driver pet peeves. Let it out.
Before you end up like me.
Discussion
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By moondawg on October 8th, 2008
Long before cell phones, and text messaging, we were and continue to be plagued by those who need to stop before making a right turn, slowly, deliberately, insanely slowly…and by those who think putting on mascara has nothing to do with actual driving focus. What else are stop lights for, my Gawd?
By SteezyDeezy on October 8th, 2008
The rule I try to live by is simple, and if everyone would drive this way it would fix most of the problems above…
Drive in a manner that keeps others from using their brakes.
Turning south-bound onto college from Slim Chickens after some sweet tea and chicken strips? Don’t pull out when a north-bound car is quickly approaching. They should not need to brake.
Turning onto a side street? Give some sort of signal, possibly turning on your blinker, as your approaching said turn. Then TURN.
Heading up the on-ramp to 540? You should be near the speed of the traffic that you are merging into! 60-70MPH.
At the first sign of blue or red flashing lights, PLEASE PLEASE do not slam on your brakes if you are speeding, dropping from 70 to 55 is not safe. The inch-worm effect causes many accidents.
As for #3 - multitasking. We should get all of them together and have them sign some petition to increase our public transportation around here. Then they can sit on a bus/train and multi-task away.
Another big pet peeve of mine… Please pass on the left only.
That’s all I have. Happy Driving!
By Alison Chains on October 8th, 2008
1. The people who treat all speed bumps like they are driving over Mt. Everest. Just go over them. No — not at a break neck speed, but there is no reason to drive 2 MPH over the speed bumps by Jason’s Deli. Your car WILL survive.
2. The swing out wide left to turn right and vice-versa move. Please - know the dimensions of your vehicle and just turn. Quickly, I may add.
By yrfuneralmytrial on October 9th, 2008
I’ll add what has quickly turned into my #1 driving peeve… driving with your brights on in ANY traffic. I drive a lot at night and I can’t tell you how often this happens to me. Coming straight at me, following directly behind me… doesn’t seem to matter. There’s always numerous idiots just gleefully putting along blinding me and everyone else. Youget aquick courtesy flash from me and if that doesn’t work, it’s on. Light wars!
By yrfuneralmytrial on October 9th, 2008
And yes, my kid toasted my spacebar.
By JTrain on October 9th, 2008
HA!!! I feel you the Steve. Of course, a large portion of these drivers are also Okies… Okies are the worst.
Alison Chains - I’m guilty of slowing down like crazy when I go over speed bumps(or those godforsaken speed tables). I do it because my car has a really low ground-to-undercarriage clearance and bottoms out if I take it too fast. It infuriates my wife(she sees eye-to-eye with you on this subject), but I’ve gotta do it. It’s a horrible feeling hearing your drive shaft crunch against concrete.
By Sardon on October 9th, 2008
I see a lot of nice cars with broken turn signals. Sometimes I’ll count and more than half of the turn signals don’t work at all. We need a bailout to get turn signals fixed on all the cars in America.
I hate the Oklahoma Speed Traps, when two cars on the interstate conspire to drive side by side going too fucking slow.
I also hate the people hauling ass who pass me on the right on the interstate because I can’t get over in the right lane fast enough. Give me a lights flash so I can see you coming and I’ll gladly get out of the way. I try to just use the left lane for passing, but I sometimes tarry there until I pass more than one slowpoke.
By ARKinOK on October 9th, 2008
Ya’ll don’t have a clue about bad drivers and bad driving habits. Move to Houston for a few months. You’ll love FAY.
By George on October 9th, 2008
I drive to Bentonville every damn day since Fayetteville kicks ass in pretty much every way except the way of having anything that even remotely resembles a job market (i think i’ve mentioned this). I have a lot of hate for the 540 drivers. Yes, it could be worse. Driving in Dallas every day would probably make me shoot myself in the head.
My biggest pet peeve is probably people who race past me in the right lane and then wedge themselves in front of me. No asshole, that wasn’t the space I left open for you. That was my buffer space so I wouldn’t have to ride this guy’s ass at 70 mph. So now when I see them coming I just ride the next guys’s ass at 70 mph. It’s effing dangerous, yo.
When I get frustrated in the car I usually just pull out my junk. It puts a smile on my face.
By Lankford on October 9th, 2008
Slow merging is so dangerous. I wish people understood that.
I must apologize to Alison Chains, because like JTrain, I also have a car that has very low ground clearance. I’ve been through several oil pans and control arms and have finally learned my lesson. So if you’re ever stuck behind a black Jetta dragging ass over a speed table, please have some patience. I promise to put the pedal down after that.
By Boggy Creek Creature on October 9th, 2008
ARKinOK: i got family down in Houston and i just don’t understand it, either. first, it’s texas. second, it’s hell.
George: you gotta stop talking about your junk when I’m drinking. i mean damn, sir, that’s wasting beer.
By jones on October 9th, 2008
Slow turners are the worst.
I am also guilty of going super slow over speed bumps. That’s just the way it is.
My number one driving pet peeve, dudes that can’t hit a ramp properly.
By Total Bastard on October 9th, 2008
I must say, while I am a bastard in other arenas, I consider myself to be a very good, conscientious driver.
I have lived in the city before. Trust me, I’ll take slow turners and drivers any day of the week.
I generally never feel like I’ve narrowly escaped death while driving day to day in Fayetteville.
In Dallas, it is an everyday feeling.
By scryberwitch on October 10th, 2008
My #1 pet peeve is idiots who don’t understand how a 4-way stop works! You TAKE TURNS!!! Whoever gets to the intersection first, goes first. Then the second person, then the third, then the fourth…and it goes around like that. Really simple. Kindergarteners can figure this out. So why can’t grown adults get it??? AAAARRRRGGGHHH!
By Bob-O on October 11th, 2008
I think that nearly all of mine are listed above. But, I really don’t think that Fayetteville drivers are any worse than others in cities of a similar size. My other pet peeves? Here’s a couple. First, the “creepers”. You know them; the light turns red and they prematurely stop behind another “creeper” who prematurely stopped. Then, they each take turns “creeping” forward until they are nearly touching bumpers-taking their sweet time of course.
Then, there are those who drive SUV’s and smaller vehicles who have a fantasy (I guess) about being an over-the-road driver of an eighteen-wheeler. They are in the left-hand lane at an intersection and preparing to turn left. They s-l-o-w-l-y swing across all available lanes to make their turn and then change lanes. Very sloppy.
Then there are those who “creep” away when the traffic light changes to “green”. They must wait until the vehicle in front moves at least 200′ before they lift their foot from the brake. It is no coincidence that these are usually the same “creepers” that I mention above. Once a “creeper” always a “creeper” I guess.
And, then I become everyone else’s pet peeve-the instigator of preliminary road rage. You know me when you see me-especially in your rear-view mirror. I am the man on the heavy motorcycle who is standing up on the pegs shouting MOVE IT NOW! as loud as he can. I guess that makes me a “Peeve-ert”?
By Diamond Dogg on October 14th, 2008
What about people who sit at a traffic light waiting to turn left while a dozen cars sit behind them, wasting gas? If the light doesn’t have a left turn signal, then be considerate of everyone else and don’t sit through three red lights just so you can turn left. When the oncoming traffic is heavy, you will NEVER turn. GIVE IT UP.