Best to Worst: The Rocky Films
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Over dinner this past weekend, some friends and I got into a debate over a subject that is rarely broached by any sensible adult in a social setting. The subject? Rocky movies… ordering them from best to worst.
As you can see, we’re walking on sacred ground here.
So, without further ado, let me present you with my opinion on which Rocky films rule the hardest.
- Rocky
- Why? – C’mon, this one’s easy. It’s the first Rocky, and is the single reason why there were five more after it. Simply put, Rocky rules. We follow some street-thug/local boxer with a heart as he falls in love and gets a shot at the big time. Ultimately, he goes the distance with Apollo Creed and loses based on a split decision. Adrian!!!
- Rocky IV
- Why? – Apollo Creed gets killed by a Commie… Well, to be more specific, Ivan Drago kills him in the ring… and right after a rousing performance of “Living in America” by James Brown. Thirsty for vengeance, Rocky leaves his family behind and heads for Russia for some intense back-to-basics training shown in the form of a killer montage. Finally, Rocky battles the Ruskie bohemoth, takes a huge beating, emerges victorious and gives a speech to the now pro-American Russian crowd/government officials about how they’re not so different. Basically, Rocky wins one for America. F yeah!
- Rocky II
- Why? – Even though Apollo Creed said there wouldn’t be a re-match after the bout in the first Rocky, he changes his mind and intensely pursues the match. After the first match, Rocky had decided to retire from boxing, but after some constant taunting by Apollo and thanks to the support and urging of the Philly community, Rocky accepts. Rocky begins training, his newly-wed, Adrian, gets pregnant and subsequently slips into a coma. Eventually, after some serious soul-searching and after Adrian wakes from her Coma, Rocky fights Apollo and wins. It’s a hell of a good movie.
- Rocky Balboa(aka Rocky VI)
- Why? – An older, long-retired Balboa lives alone and manages his small Italian restaurant named after his deceased wife, Adrian. After an “virtual fight” airs on ESPN that predicts that Balboa, in his hey-day, would beat the current undefeated heavy-weight, Mason “The Line” Dixon in a match, the powers that be work to arrange an exhibition. As per usual, some soul searching takes places and Rocky decides to make hit happen. He trains hard, re-builds his relationship with his estranged son, meets a girl, gets a dog and fights his heart out. After a long, brutal match, a split decision is rendered that names Dixon the victor. But whene the decision is made, Rocky’s already out of the ring and headed to the locker room. He came for one last, good fight and got it. Rocky Balboa surprised me. I didn’t expect much and got quite a bit. It’s no Rocky II, but it’s close.
- Rocky III
- Why? – I’ve never been a huge fan of Rocky III. It’s not bad, but for me, it just never seemed to live up to the others. Anyway, after defending his title many times since defeating Apollo, he’s getting bored. However, a new badass is on the rise and he goes by the name Clubber Lang. After taking place in a novelty “Boxer v. Wrestler” match against Thunderlips, “The Ultimate Male,” Rocky decides to hang up his gloves and retire. In an announcement in front of the newly unveiled Rocky statue, Rocky announces his retirement. Halfway through the announcement, Clubber Lang shows up and starts talking smack(aks “Jibba Jabba”) and challenges Rock to a fight. Rocky accepts and loses to Clubber in the second round after he notices Micky clutching his chest. After the fight, Micky dies. After the usual soul-searching, Rocky agress to go train with Apollo. Cue the montage and the subsequent victorious fight against Clubber Lang and we’re shown one of the best endings of all the Rocky films.
- Rocky V
- Why? – I’ll be honest; It’s hard ranking the Rocky movies. At least it’s hard until you hit Rocky V. This movie blows. Big Time. Long, boring story short: Rocky returns from Russia with brain damage after his bout with Ivan Drago and is forced to retire. His retirement is shortlived, though, thanks to some poor investment decisions made by his accountant. Rocky begins traing boxers and comes across Tommy “Machine” Gunn who shows a lot of potential. Tommy quickly grows impatient with Rocky’s training and switches training. Eventually, the two have it out in a no-holds-barred streetfight. Rocky wins(I think. I’ve only seen it once because it blows so hard). The end. Blah.
Except for Rocky V, all the Rocky movies are good. That’s an easy statement to make. However, the real arguments begin when you start trying to rank them in order of best to worst. Rocky I is almost always given as being the best and Rocky V usually takes the last spot. It’s those in-between that really stir up the controversy.
What do you think? How would you rank the Rocky films? Feel free to debate it up. After all, we’re talking about Rocky. A little bit of friendly debate seems very appropriate here.
Comments
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By rcu on February 24th, 2009
Here’s how I rank’em:
1. Rocky
2. Rocky II
3. Rocky IV
4. Rocky III
5. Rocky Balboa
6. The next Rocky movie
7. Rocky V
You’re absolutely right, Rocky V blew really hard.
By jones on February 24th, 2009
My list used to be,
1
2
4
Rocky Balboa
3
5
but, I watched most of Rocky Balboa this weekend and it was way worse then I remembered. So now its
1
2
4
3
Balboa
5
By IncreasethePeace on February 24th, 2009
My list would be
1. Rocky IV
2. Rocky III
3. Rocky
4. Rocky Balboa
5. Rocky II
6. Rocky V
By BadMinton on March 4th, 2009
How in the world someone can think that watching an event result in a tie is the greatest thing ever is way beyond me. I am tempted to rank Rocky at the very bottom for that point alone but Adrian was rocking a super sexy, librarian look in the first film and that made it at least worth watching.
Rocky Balboa was clearly the worst because the guy had become a full bore loser. Hard to celebrate that as an accomplishment. His son was made out to be a bad guy because his dad had turned into a total mushhead and couldn’t get his act together and the kid wanted no part of it.
With that, you have my bottom two picks.
Here goes the full list:
1 – Rocky III – Thunderlips the Ultimate Male and Clubber Lang; Rocky gets his ass kicked and then pulls himself together to get some redemption
2 – Rocky IV – I hate the Russians and so did Rocky. Well, he pussed out in the end, but Reagan and Rocky beat the Russians to a pulp and it was fun to watch.
3 – Rocky II – Great to see Rocky finish the job.
4 – Rocky V – Tommy Gunn was fun to hate and I guess that was the point. Plus the soundtrack was pretty cool at the time. Not as good as the soundtrack to Rocky III though which is whay IV is lower on the list. I learned to sing “Eye of the Tiger” in my elementary music class and it kind of stuck with me.
5 – Rocky I and VI – Both were Teh Sucksor. Why not just rent Beaches?
WARNING: If you catch me after I’ve watched III or IV, I am probably all hyped up and looking to punch somebody. You should avoid having a mohawk or being Russian.
By luke on March 31st, 2009
mine goes
4
2
1
balboa
3
5
By Doak And Clagger on June 16th, 2009
I’d have to kind of disagree with this list. I dunno, we’ve all got our opinions, but my take would have to go a little like this:
1. RISE AND FALL FROM GRACE – ROCKY III – Don’t ask me why, but this is easily the darkest Rocky film of them all. He’s on top of the world, bags a statue, and for some reason, Adrian became attractive in this one. Like, REALLY attractive. But, I digest. The point is, he got soft, he got arrogant, and he got lazy. He lost his trainer, his title, and most of all, his self-respect to one of the most piss-me-off villains ever to grace the silver screen: Mr. T’s Oscar-robbed performance as Clubber Lang and had to regain the ‘eye of the tiger’ to get it all back in front of the world. This one also proves further that Apollo Creed is human. Guy went from an arrogant prick and sore loser to Rocky’s finest ally. Kudos, Carl.
2. ‘DA FOIST ONE – ROCKY – Sure, I know that without it, there’d be no sequels for a ranking, but compared to III, although this Best Picture of 1976 was great, it just dragged a bit for me. I’m no brainless action-goer, mind you. I love real human drama portrayed on screen, but I just found myself bored at times. I’ve got to say though, at times, you feel like you’re watching a documentary on a real man’s life. It’s that gawldamn realistic. On a side note, tried the egg thing. Don’t do it.
3. PROTECT THAT EYE, FROM ONCOMING TEARS! – ROCKY II AND ROCKY VI – Tie game, here. Rocky II is hands down, one of the best sequels ever made. The sense of continuity is excellent, and instead of being a remake of the original, this film tries to take its characters somewhere else. The hardships of marriage, keeping a steady job, and the love and devotion of Rocky to Adrian after her stress-coma puts her in the hospital is powerful. I always cry when Rock hoists his belt up and tells Adrian that he “did it”. Rocky Balboa (I call it VI, because I found it idiotic to name the film “Rocky Balboa”. I’m with Paul F. Tompkins on this one. Did they forget to count? “Rocky 1,2,3,4,5,… Balboa?”) surprised the literal hell out of me. I went in expecting a magic-barren delayed sequel ala Crystal Skull quality and got a film that is just as riveting as the first three. Bringing Little Marie and Spider Rico back gave one a fangasm and there was no better way to end this tall tale.
4. YOU AIN’T SO BAD! – ROCKY V – This film is bad, granted. It’s cheesiness is just lurid at times, but I have to admit, this one really took Rocky back to his roots and was a genuinely touching father/son drama when it wasn’t being ludicrous. I’ve got to admit, even if Rocky VI hadn’t been made some 17 odd years later, the full circle symbolism of Rocky taking Mick’s place as the trainer and owner of his old gym would have been good enough for me. This one isn’t the worst. That honor goes to…
5. ROCK’S BOTTOM – ROCKY IV – Holy. Crap. Either Stallone was high on Brigitte Neilsen’s fumes in ‘85, or he was hitting the drugs hard when he wrote this pile. A robot? The idiotic and severely dragged out Living In America sequence? The absence of Bill Conti? Multiple montages for filler? And as for Rock’s “If I’s can change, and you’s can change, EVERYBODEH CAN CHANGE!” speech? Give me strength. And for the longest time when I first got into this series, I was so eager to watch this one. This is a bad, BAD movie. Don’t dare rank 4 over 5. At least 5 had some timeless heart where 4 had dated hair.
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