But Arkansas’ own Matt Jones has something that none of them have. What’s that you might ask?

The most glorious mustache the world has ever known.

After his arrest earlier this year for cocaine possession, Matt Jones got serious about two things:

1. Playing football
2. Mustaches

Matt Jones is on pace to have his best year as a professional. He is leading his team in receptions and touchdowns by a wide receiver, and he is leading the league in mustache sweetness by almost 1000 points.

“I thought Matt was hot before. Now, I’d have sex with him and his mustache,” said one hot chick we interviewed. “I’d also have sex with his money.”

“I’ve heard of mustache rides before, but I didn’t know they could be this awesome,” Another chick said.

“I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to Matt,” his mustache said. “I think I get more chicks than he does now. I’m also a mustache. That can talk.”

We never thought it would be possible for Matt Jones to get more chicks than he already does, and then he goes and grows this mustache. Just when we thought you had hit rock bottom, you go and do something like this. And totally redeem yourself. Congratulations, Matt.

Tomorrow, August 9th, The NWA Rollergirls present Moonshine Madnesss: the 5th and final home bout of the 2008 season. The bout is a double-header against two national teams and we can’t think of a better way to spend one of the last Saturday evenings before football season begins.

First up is NWA’s Backwoods Betties versus The Dixie Derby Girls from Huntsville, Alabama. Then there’s NWA’s All Star team, the Arkansas Killbillies going up against the Mad Maxines of the No Coast Derby Girls from Lincoln, Nebraska.

The girls wanted us to remind ya’ll that if all the hard-hitting, roller derby action isn’t enough to keep you entertained, there will also be live music, beer and food. And beer.

It all takes place at Roller City in Springdale which is located at 1007 Century St. The doors open at 6pm and the bout starts at 7pm. As far as tickets, they are $10 in advance (online) or $12 at the door.

A portion of the night’s profits will benefit Animal Haven Rescue, a no-kill shelter dedicated to the rescue of abandoned, abused and neglected animals, providing a safe and secure place for stray dogs and cats awaiting homes.

We’ll be there. Will you?

Feast your eyes on the newest commercial for Nike’s Throwback Cleats featuring none other than DMac himself.

I have to admit I wondered how well McFadden would do in a major TV commercial given his … err … distinctive on-camera persona.

Verdict: Awesome.

If the video doesn’t play below, head over and watch it at YouTube.

[Via The Slophouse]

I can barely get two dogs down my gullet before feeling like absolute hell. I can’t image what eating 64 hot dogs would do to you. I’m guessing they become really good friends with the toilet in their hotel rooms.

I did a quick search and found that, on average, a hot dog and bun contain 250 calories. So, after eating 64 hot dogs, you’ve introduced 16,000 to your system. That’s unreal… and a little lot gross.

On this July 4th 2008, we at the Fayetteville Flyer salute you, Joey Chestnut; A new breed of America hero. Thank you for eating 64 hot dogs/keeping the American dream alive. You made America and your mother proud today, my friend.

That’s right. The NWA Rollergirls haven’t been fucking around, ya’ll.

If you haven’t had a chance to see your Arkansas Killbillies All Stars in action yet, this Saturday (May 31st) is your chance as they battle the Tampa Bay Derby Darlins All Stars.

Their latest bout, High Voltage Hostility, is at Roller City in Springdale, AR at 7:00 p.m. (doors at 6pm) and you can get your tickets at Roller City or online at Brown Paper Tickets. As an added bonus, beer is now available so your excuse for not checking it our just got narrowed down from “but there’s no beer or strippers!” to simply “but there’s no strippers!” which actually shouldn’t even be a problem since the NWA Rollergirls are guaranteed to be hot, sweaty and barely clothed. Hell. Yes.

Also on the bill are B Teamers The Backwood Betties vs. The River Valley Rollergirls of Ft. Smith.

Make it a point to get out and support your local roller girls if you can. And congratulate them babes on gettin’ ranked. Awesome!

To be fair, the actual opening day for the Naturals’ inaugural season was last week (April 3) in San Antonio, but tonight will mark the first game at the brand new 7500-seat stadium.

The Naturals are a Class AA affiliate of the Kansas City Royals and as long as the field has been underneath tarps for the last 24 hours (fingers crossed), the team’s brand new jerseys might not immediately turn dookie brown from the mud that the rest of us have been trodding around in all day.

A 4pm Ribbon Cutting Ceremony scheduled for this afternoon with a special debut of the new mascot, Strike, who is a sasquatch in baseball players’ clothing. Such a fitting mascot the sasquatch is. You know, because of all the bigfoots in Springdale.

If you don’t already have tickets, you can pick them up at the Naturals’ website for individual games or as season passes/mini packs.

As far as we know (and much to The Rev. Ronnie Floyd’s dismay), beer will be sold at the ballpark.

Hell. Yes. (Sorry, Ronny)

It’s completely harmless when you’re a kid. I mean, nobody actually believes your bullshit when you’re that young. However, when you’re a senior in high school, that kind of stuff will make you look like a total ass.

Take for instance Kevin Hart, a 6-foot-5, 290-pound football player from northern Nevada who wanted to play for a Division I school “more than anything.” Last week he held a news conference to announce that he’d been recruited by the University of California. In front of a packed gymnasium and two television cameras, Hart told reporters, “They really won me over.” He was speaking of his decision to choose Cal over Oregon. The crowd erupted.

The problem, however, was that neither Cal nor Oregon had offered him a thing. In fact, they barely even knew he existed. Why? Because Hart made it up. No shit! Dude just pretended it happened and then crossed his fingers!

“I wanted to play (Division I) ball more than anything,” he said in a statement. “When I realized that wasn’t going to happen, I made up what I wanted to be reality.”

He’s since been outed by everyone from ESPN to local news stations across the country (see video below). I’ll bet that if he’s finally come to his senses (he did apologize), he’s feeling pretty damn embarrassed right now. But for the love of all that is holy, dude, what the hell were you thinking?!

And with that I would like to announce that as hard as it was for me, Jarsh, to decide on whether or not to be next President of the United States (they asked me like a month ago) or the next American Idol (Simon called me last week), I have made my decision. I’m not going to be either. I’m going to be the new owner of Dr. Pepper (they found out I love it and asked me to be in charge).

Since the official team name was announced last year, a growing question among local minor league baseball fans has been, “The Naturals?! What the hell is a natural?” For months, we’ve been wondering which one of the 37 different images in the new logo would win out and become the official mascot.

In a surprising twist of events, the winner was neither a baseball, waterfall, mountain, swoosh, river, lake, fog OR a lightning bolt. Nope, the new mascot is a sasquatch, aka “Ozark Howler”.

For some, the new “howler” is a total no-brainer. “It’s the first thing that comes to mind when I think of Springdale, Arkansas,” says one local sports enthusiast. “Duh!” says another. Some weren’t nearly as excited, however.

Holding signs that read “F*CK BIGFOOT!” and “BIPEDAL BEARS BLOW!”, one local group staged a protest near the site of Arvest Ballpark. “It’s not that we have anything against that hairy bastard,” said one protestor. “He’s actually kind of cute. We just believe that if a lightning bolt were to fight a sasquatch, the lightning bolt would kick that guy’s ass.”

According to the Miami Herald, it looks as though David Lee definitely doesn’t feel like a Nutt. After following Houston Nutt to Oxford, Mississippi just a few weeks ago, Lee has taken a job in Miami as the quarterbacks coach working under former boss Bill Parcells.

Apparently it didn’t take long to decide that it would be better to work for a team that does not even have a head coach yet than to stick it out with ole’ Houston. Aw, that’s kinda sad.