You know what sucks about jokes? They are almost never funny. Especially jokes your uncle, or Jay Leno, or Jerry from work tell you.

For example, there isn’t a single dead baby joke ever written that is funny at all. Any joke that starts with, “so, a (blank) walks into a bar” is guaranteed to be a waste of your time. Knock-knock jokes? Yeah right.

Plenty of jokes are just plain racist/sexist/offensive.

What’s worse is when someone says, “wanna hear a joke,” there’s no way you can say no unless you want to look like an a-hole. I mean, what kind of jerk doesn’t want to hear a joke?

Also, more than likely, you will be forced to listen to that person for two or more minutes, 40 seconds of which will be that person trying to remember different elements of the joke, until they finally get to the end of it, when you’ll have to do a weird fake laugh, and say, “Ha. That’s a good one.”

Liar.

In other news, it’s the weekend. Party.

Wanna see some films? There’s a Palestine Film Festival at the JB Hunt Building on campus. There are five films on tap for Friday night (and more on Saturday) and free food from Petra Cafe. The idea is to “raise the awareness of issues relating to the conflict and provide constructive and objective criticism to ongoing issues through the art of film.”

How about some tunes? Big Uns are at George’s for happy hour while Brantley Gilbert, Taddy Porter, and Bastard Sons of Johnny Cash are playing late night.

If you’re looking for a place to meet roller girls, The Phosphenes and Rollo Tumasi are at Smoke & Barrel for a NWA Roller Derby benefit. Chances are good you’ll see a few there.

The University of Arkansas drama department opens “The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee” this weekend at University Theatre.

How about some sports? The Razorback baseball team (who by the way, are killing it this year) open a series with the Georgia Bulldogs at Baum Stadium.

Michael Scott is at Arsaga’s on Crossover. He’s on that show the Office (not really).

On Saturday, Fayetteville Forward starts at 8 a.m. inside East Square Plaza. If a community input session on economic development in Fayetteville doesn’t sound like something you’re interested in, I’ve got two words for you. Free donuts.

The Lake Fayetteville Outdoor Festival is going down at Lake Fayetteville Saturday beginning at 10 a.m. Guided bike rides and hikes, free kayaking, disc golf, and a KidsZone which includes inflatable toys, a bouldering wall, and a kid’s dig, all scheduled.

If you head toward the Lake Fayetteville area, you might as well stop by The Botanical Garden of the Ozarks for their garden walk, also at 10 a.m.

Tunes wise, Boombox is at George’s. They’re pretty bitching.

Literature (Austin, TX) is at Smoke & Barrel with Bandit Sound and Fayetteville’s Friday Maybe Saturday. Literature was in town a few years ago at the New Deli, and they were sweet.

Army of Birds and Starved for Attention are at Rogue, and Parade of Fools is at the Boom Boom Room.

There’s a lot more below, and we probably missed at least one thing, so feel free to let us have it in the comments. What are you guys doing this weekend?

Friday, April 16

UA University Theatre: The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee

Baum Stadium: Arkansas Baseball vs. Georgia

Ella’s: Lorrie Morris

UA JB Hunt Building: Palestine Film Festival 2010

Greenhouse Grille: Matt Smith Jazz

Stella Boyle Smith Concert Hall: 2010 Music Department Honors Recital

JJ’s Grill n Chill: Wes Hart

Jose’s: Leah & the Mojo Doctors

George’s: Brantley Gilbert / Taddy Porter / Bastard Sons of Johnny Cash / Big Uns

Teatro Scarpino: Salsa lessons and dancing

Arsaga’s on Crossover: Michael Scott

Boom Boom Room: Maud Crawford

Smoke & Barrel Tavern: Roller Derby Benefit Show

Saturday, April 17

UA University Theatre: The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee

Baum Stadium: Arkansas Baseball vs. Georgia

East Square Plaza: Fayetteville Forward 2010

Botanical Garden of the Ozarks: Garden Walk

Lake Fayetteville: Lake Fayetteville Outdoor Festival

Stella Boyle Smith Concert Hall: Various Recitals

Good Shepherd Lutheran Church: Arkansas Tuba Quartet Recital

Ella’s: Matt Smith

JJ’s Grill n Chill: TJ Scarlet

George’s: Boombox

Rogue: Army of Birds / Starved for Attention

Arsaga’s on Crossover: Art Burns Red

Boom Boom Room: Parade of Fools

Smoke & Barrel Tavern: Friday Maybe Saturday / Bandit Sound / Literature

Sunday, April 18

UA University Theatre: The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee

Baum Stadium: Arkansas Baseball vs. Georgia

Nightbird Books: Steve Yates Reading & Booksigning

Pesto Cafe: Shannon Wurst

Greenhouse Grille: Clarke Buehling Banjo

George’s: Cletus Got Shot